#one

Freud was a fraud, but he’d probably think I have a complex of some kind. Anal, oral, Orafoural, etc. While most kids wanted to grow up to be an astronaut, one of Barbara Streisand’s bras, a priest in sheep’s clothing, or an IRS employee, I always wanted to be my own clone. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #irs #funny

When I’m lonely I stand in the corner and play my saxophone and feel sorry for myself. I would ask you to accompany me on the piano, but if I did that I wouldn’t be lonely, would I? And what’s the point of a saxophone if not to celebrate despair?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#celebrate #celebration #despair #funny #humor

I’m thinking of moving my cloning factory to someplace less visible, like in front of a fogged mirror. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#factory #funny #humor #funny

When wearing a loincloth is not customary, it is risque. Being old-fashioned never goes out of style. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #loincloths #old-fashioned #style #underwear

You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It’s certainly safer than keeping it in the bank! ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

There are some places in life where you can only go alone. Embrace the beauty of your solo journey. ↗

— Mandy Hale

#aloneness #beauty #being-single #faith #flying-solo

The ancient rhythms of the earth have insinuated themselves into the rhythms of the human heart. The earth is not outside us; it is within: the clay from where the tree of the body grows. ↗

— John O'Donohue

#nature #one #beauty

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#money #humor

Bring me liquor, Bones, fast, to take my foot out of my mouth. Cat to Bones ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humor #humor

Lord Snow wants to take my place now.' He sneered. 'I'd have an easier time teaching a wolf to juggle than you will training this aurochs.' 'I'll take that wager, Ser Alliser', Jon said. 'I'd love to see Ghost juggle. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#a-song-of-ice-and-fire #bold #george-r-r-martin #ghost #jon-snow