#oh

This squirrel is inadequately afraid of humans! Squirrel, I am a threat to you! We are enemies! Please get off my bench! Oh, god! Oh, god! Don't touch me—oh, god! ↗

— John Green

#humor #john-green #squirrels #humor

My hobby is extreme Catholic behavior -- BEFORE the Reformation. ↗

— John Waters

#catholic #eccentric #extreme #humor #john-waters

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate. ↗

— Jeffrey Bernard

#happiness #humor #sex #smoking #humor

Drunken men give some of the best pep talks. ↗

— Criss Jami

#best #conversation #drink #drinking #drunk

‎"Sarge, mr. Nurd here is threatening to turn me to jelly." "really?" said Sarge. "what flavor? ↗

— John Connolly

#gates #humor #john-connolly #science-fiction-fantasy #humor

Let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. ↗

— Anonymous

#love

You're a hero,' Mom repeated, squeezing my hand and kissing my forehead. 'You saved six lives in that house! Six! Sure, one of them was a creep,' she looked at Lauren, 'but that's what makes it so good. "Love thine enemies."' Lauren smiled at me. 'And don't worry about Curt,' she said. 'We are so broken up.' 'Six lives,' Mom repeated. But I had been trying to save seven. ↗

— Dan Wells

#john-cleaver #saving #six-lives #love

Music is everybody's business. It's only the publishers who think people own it ↗

— John Lennon

#music #business

Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drinking #change

In the face of death, he had nothing to lose by speaking of the intimacies of love. Yet, in the face of life, he could speak only of its banalities. ↗

— Gerard Brooker

#oh-israel #death