#oberon

Oberon "one day Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love you. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#princess-bride-jokes #love

She thinks petting me is an honor. This is an unexpected position to take for a goddess of slaughter, but I applaud her defiance of convention. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#unexpected

Heh. I think you made your point, Atticus. Gods Below, Oberon, that was horrendous! You just violated the Schwarzenegger Pun Reduction Treaty of 2010. What? No, that didn't qualify! Yes, it did. Any pun related to a weapon's destructive capabilities or final disposition of a victim's body is a Schwarzenegger pun, by definition. That's negative twenty sausages according to the sanctions outlined in Section Four, Paragraph Two. My hound whined. No! Not twenty sausages! Twenty succulent sausages I'll never snarf? You can't do that - it's cruelty to animals! You can't argue with this. Your pawprint is on the treaty, and you agreed that Schwarzenegger puns are heinous abominations of language that deserve food-related punishments for purposes of correction and deterrence. Auggh! I still say it's your fault for renting Commando in the first place! You started it! ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#tricked #food

Are you going to kick somebody’s ass? I don’t know. Maybe. Well, I’m not going to worry. I’ve watched you spar with that martial arts dummy in the backyard lots of times, and you always win. Thanks, buddy. I’ll see you soon. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#humor #oberon #art

She's kind of like a Mary Poppins just before she turns to the dark side of the Force," Oberon said. He was still behind the counter, but he had a good lok at her as she exited. "Let go of your anger, Malina! There's still good in you! The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully! ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#star-wars-humour-running #anger

If you've got some hopelessly overmatched heroes fighting evil and some Imperial types marching, John Williams is your guy. You need a song to make people reach for a box of Kleenex, talk to Randy Newman. But if you want creepy atmospherics and spine-shivering chords to back up your casual death threats, you gotta bring in Danny Elfman. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#death

You will respect my authori-tah!' Oberon said, in a passable imitation of Eric Cartman. I reminded him that I needed to concentrate. Sometimes dogs forget; they just get too excited. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#dog #humor #oberon #humor

Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#dog #humor #oberon #humor

That is a noble idea, though I think it far to generous," Jupiter said. "Once a decade should be sufficient." "I would rather be too generous than not in such cases." "As you wish." [One day, Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said, "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love you."] ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#love