#ny

She had put on make-up in a colour scheme that indicated she might be colourblind. ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#make-up #funny

Sheep hurt my father, and through my father, sheep have also hurt me. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#funny

Last winter, when so many Living joined the Dead and our prey became scarce, I watched some of my friends become full-dead. The transition was undramatic. They just slowed down, then stopped, and after a while I realised they were corpses. It disquieted me at first, but it’s against etiquette to notice when one of us dies. I distracted myself with some groaning. ↗

— Isaac Marion

#funny

Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?" "No! Good God, no! ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#cam #code-word #cookie #cookies #funny

I've never walked home wearing just a pink robe and a pair of slippers. ↗

— Jessica Sorensen

#pink-robe #funny

What is it? Tens, I can see the stick up your arse from here. I'm dying remember? Dying people don't have time for silly moods ↗

— Amber Kizer

#funny #meridian #mrs-fulbright #funny

Assumptions are unopened windows that foolish birds fly into, and their broken bodies are evidence gathered too late. ↗

— Bryan Davis

#blunt #comical #funny #harsh #irony

We have allowed the system to be so corrupted that many want justice to be "empathetic," not blind. ↗

— Glenn Beck

#political #funny

Cole, for Christ's sake, will you stop staring at me like I'm beefcake of the month? ↗

— Simon Holt

#quinn #simon-holt #soulstice #funny

What's so funny about peace, love and understanding ↗

— Elvis Costello

#funny