#ny

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Funny thing- Morgenstern's folk's were named Max and Valerie and his father was a doctor. ↗

— William Goldman

#family #funny #miracle-max #s-morgenstern #the-princess-bride

I pee whilst seated. But it’s hard to focus with people honking at me.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #random #random-thought #silly

Am I tough? Am I strong? Am I hard-core? Absolutely. Did I whimper with pathetic delight when I sank my teeth into my hot fried-chicken sandwich? You betcha. ↗

— James Patterson

#gluttony #savor #food

Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #blood #crazy #culinary #food

I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#eating #food #funny #gorge #humor

I am somebody's son, and I know a guy I call "Dad." Those two things are unrelated.
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— Jarod Kintz

#family #father #funny #humor #related

The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the next day, when he returned home.
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— Jarod Kintz

#dad #family #funny #humor #life

YOU. GOT. FOOD. IN. MY. HAIR. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#food

Politically, Republicans and Democrats are at opposite ends. One’s a burp and the other’s a fart.
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— Jarod Kintz

#corruption #democrats #funny #government #humor