#nightlight

Germs contagious, contagious alert! But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt! ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #twilight #humor

Did you notice anything funny about Edwart in class? I think I love him,” I said nonchalantly. “Well, he did look kind of angry when you fell and disconnected his computer charger.” So it wasn’t all in my mind; others had noticed Edwart’s awareness of me. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #funny

You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho's; CEOs and their office ho's; GI Joes and their combat ho's; Gardeners and their garden hose;Firemen and their fire hose... If you ask me, a 'masquerade' theme isn't flattering for anyones features, nor does it define the apppropriate gender roles very clearly. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#funny #ho-s #nightlight #random #funny

Then, suddenly, I remembered the accident, and Edwart's snow-proof body, and his eyes that changed from I-don't-remember to green, and I knew. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#change

No one else could know we were going on a date, though. I needed to protect Edwart in case anything happened. Still, I had never gone out with such a hot guy before, so I sent a vague e-mail to the whole grade saying, “Edwart Mullen and Belle Goose Are Totally Together. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #dating

This search was fruitless; there were only 62,500,000 results. I was going to have to rely on my own knowledge. Then I thought, why don’t I share that knowledge with the world? I sat back down at the computer and went to the vampire Wikipedia page. I added a sentence to the article: “Edwart Mullen of Switchblade, Oregon, is a vampire, but don’t kill him because I love him!” Then I added a picture of Edwart’s abs. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #love

Then I had another one of my well-researched epiphanies. His constant use of Purell, his love of video games, his lack of friends, planet gazing, and flail-run. “You’re a zombie,” I gasped. “No. I’m not,” he said. I went back to the vampire theory. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #vampires #zombies

I knew my dad would insist on carrying my twelve bags into the house all by himself, so I ran ahead to my room. It looked familiar. Four walls and a ceiling, just like my old room in Phoenix! Leave it to my dad to find little ways to make me feel at home. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #home