#naughty

I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#kiss #mississippi #naughty #nautical #riverboat-captain

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#harvard #humor #innuendo #naughty #yale

She texted me telling me her mom was dying, so I did the right thing and texted her back a picture of my erect penis and said, “Let’s start a new family.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#dying #family #funny #humor #inappropriate

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#masturbation #men #naughty #sex #men

Can you tell by where my eyes are looking what I’m thinking? Hint: I’m staring directly at your vagina.
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— Jarod Kintz

#hint #men #naughty #naughty-thoughts #obvious

I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.
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— Jarod Kintz

#asexual #cardboard-tubes #imagination #love #make-believe

Edwina knew things with Greg had just about run their course. She'd bedded him, and bought him clothes, and now it was time for the polite push out the door. Of course she wished her latest conquest all the best. If he was lucky, Greg would just fall right into some other powerful woman's bed. If not . . . well, if not he'd just have to do the old-fashioned thing and look for work. Though darling Greggy-poo didn't really seem the type. Edwina studied him while he slept by the pool, drinking in that tight behind and those bulging muscles for the last time. The trouble with younger men, she thought, was that they were so damned good at sex that they really didn't have to be good at anything else. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#older-women #men

Queen Latifah used to help me out with my kids, because while we were all out on tour - Public Enemy, Naughty By Nature, Queen Latifah, Heavy D - when Public Enemy went onstage, I didn't have anybody solid to watch my kids. So, Latifah would help me out. ↗

— Flavor Flav

#because #enemy #heavy #help #i

I think Australians do well here because we feel a bit naughty, like we're in America and if they only knew how much fun we were having, we'd all get thrown out, you know. ↗

— Melissa George

#australians #because #bit #feel #fun

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.
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— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #awesome #bar #bizarre #drinking