#naughty

I'm doing naughty things, I'm drinking too much, I'm going to clubs. It really didn't matter to me, other than the fact that some parents wouldn't let their kids hang out with me. ↗

— Macaulay Culkin

#doing #drinking #fact #going #hang

I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#asexual #cardboard-tubes #imagination #love #make-believe

He’s an even-tempered stallion. What he lacks in stamina he makes up for in speed, kind of like most of the men I’ve slept with. ↗

— Lila Shaw

#naughty-humor #men

Of course, you’d warm up faster if you took your clothes off. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#jacob-black #nakedness #naughty #sweet-talk #talking

My voice went recently, never happened before, off like a tap. I had to sit in silence for nine days, chalkboard around my neck. Like an old-school mime. Like a kid in the naughty corner. Like a Victorian mute. ↗

— Adele

#before #corner #days #had #happened

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #awesome #bar #bizarre #drinking

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.  ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#condom #food #fruit #funny #humor

Like a 9-5 business at 4:59 pm, her legs were open.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#closed #naughty #open #sex #business

If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #lazy #naughty #change

good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere ↗