#naught

I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#kiss #mississippi #naughty #nautical #riverboat-captain

The cucumber is just about the healthiest sex toy ever. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #funny

You took advantage of me while I was sleeping," she said breathlessly. "That's not fair." Gentry's hand moved over her hip in a slow circle."I seldom play fair. It's usually easier to cheat." A sudden laugh bubbled in Lottie's throat. "You are the most shameless man I've ever encountered." "Probably," he conceded, pushing her hair aside and lowering his smiling mouth to the back of her neck. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#naughty-funny #funny

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#harvard #humor #innuendo #naughty #yale

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ↗

— Chauncey Mitchell Depew

#humor #naughty #humor

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s Day.
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— Jarod Kintz

#flowers #funny #humor #love #naughty

She texted me telling me her mom was dying, so I did the right thing and texted her back a picture of my erect penis and said, “Let’s start a new family.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dying #family #funny #humor #inappropriate

An Druides be, thanne answere me: whos love in Eire is moste fyn and fre?" Herne "whether in bedde or in feeld do ye meet, Flidais awaiteth your limbes to greet." Atticus ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#love

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#masturbation #men #naughty #sex #men

Can you tell by where my eyes are looking what I’m thinking? Hint: I’m staring directly at your vagina.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hint #men #naughty #naughty-thoughts #obvious