#mustache

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
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— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

A man once said, 'All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.' Mark Twain, you know. He had a fine mustache. Men of wisdom so often do. ↗

— Laini Taylor

#mark-twain #mustaches #humor

They told me I gave the best milk mustache of anybody. ↗

— Yasmine Bleeth

#best #gave #i #me #milk

I watched Gene Kelly for his smile, for his energy. Vittorio Gassman for his movement. Clark Gable for his mustache. And I watched Lassie who was happy as a dog. ↗

— Jean Dujardin

#clark gable #dog #energy #gable #gene

I will say, as a woman, when you put a mustache on, you find out a lot of things about yourself. ↗

— Carrie Brownstein

#find #i #lot #mustache #out

In the name of freedom and redistribution of wealth, I’ve decided to grow a beard on my chest.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chest #freedom #mustache #redistribution #wealth

I want to hang from a tree the way Spanish moss hung from my father's face, like the mustache he was so embarrassed he couldn't grow. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#mustache #spanish-moss #funny

I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He accepted and was so grateful that he offered to trade mustaches with me. In remembrance of that special bonding moment, I still wear his mustache over my left nipple.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bald #baldness #bond #bonding #eyebrows

The only time I'm not Hulk Hogan is when I'm behind closed doors because as soon as I walk out the front door, and somebody says hello to me, I can't just say 'hello' like Terry. When they see me, they see the blond hair, the mustache, and the bald head, they instantly think Hulk Hogan. ↗

— Hulk Hogan

#because #behind #blond #blond hair #closed

A mustache really defines your face. My dad had a mustache when I was growing up, and I can still remember when he shaved it, he looked like a completely different person. ↗

— Jason Sudeikis

#dad #defines #different #different person #face