#mp

I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#employment #hilarious #humor #jarod-kintz #job

Xander: To read makes our speaking English good. ↗

— Ashley Gable

#grammar-humor #humor #language #humor

He smiled at that, and then his gaze shifted to a spot over my shoulder and it faded. 'These doubts wouldn’t have anything to do with the company you’re keeping of late, would they?' I didn’t get a chance to answer before the shop door was thrown open and a furious war mage stomped in. Pritkin spotted me and his eyes narrowed. 'You shaved my legs?!' Mircea looked at me and folded his arms across his chest. I looked from one unhappy face to the other and suddenly remembered that I had somewhere else to be. ↗

— Karen Chance

#fiction #humor #romance #supernatural #vampire

Embroidery?" I sucked at embroidery. Aunt Hyacinth had tried to teach me, but we'd both given it up as a lost cause.Lucy, strangely, had picked it up really quickly and embroidered a tapestry of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow for my last birthday. ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#solange #vampire #humor

The most temptation I'd experienced had been with Tomas, the Senate's spy who had been feeding off me without permission, and Mircea, who was probably plotting some nefarious scheme. I have no taste in men. ↗

— Karen Chance

#fiction #humor #romance #supernatural #vampire

Reyna looked at Percy without much hope. “You do have a plan?” Percy wanted to step forward bravely and say, No, I don’t! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #plans #reyna #the-heroes-of-olympus

IF you wish to be a writer then don't wait until you write the "great American novel" for they aren't written they are created. If you don't write at all you won't know how "great" that simple book can be. ↗

— Shiree McCarver

#historical-romance #humor #interracial-romance #satyrs #shiree-mccarver

Vampires, like virgins or priests, are things that women believe in. We must never fail to humor them in such matters. ↗

— Brian McNaughton

#vampires #women #humor

Jane: "Look, Dave Chandler left me on the ninth floor of our university research library without my panties after we lost our virginity together. He never called me again and actually turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction whenever he saw me on campus. Unless you're going to do that, I don't think were gonna have a problem. Gabriel?" Gabriel: "Sorry. Something strange happened inside my head when you said the word "panties". The overwhelming urge to kill Dave Chandler combined with a simultaneous loss of blood to the brain. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humorous #jane #vampire #humor

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. ↗

— Edith Sitwell

#i #i wish #incompetent #pianos #put