#mort

A true friend is a light in the dark. Viven ↗

— Kate Morton

#kate-morton #the-secret-keeper #friendship

I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?" "You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't." "There goes my Saturday. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-lost-souls #funny #humor #lambada #magnus-bane

The next time you're planning to injure yourself to get my attention, just remeber that a little sweet talk works wonders." - City of Bones (said by Jace Wayland) ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-bones #entertainment #funny #humor #jace-wayland

I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #everlasting #funny #humor #immortality

Wait a second," Clary said. "I never understand why people say that," Luke said, to no one in particular. "I wasn't going anywhere. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-bones #clary-fray #funny #luke-garroway #the-mortal-instruments

I’ve come to ask you where Seth is.” "Funny,” said Andrea. “We were going to ask you the same thing.” I was taken aback. “How would I know?” They both just stared. "I don’t! ↗

— Richelle Mead

#georgina-kincaid #terry-mortensen #funny

That's the funny thing, she thought. You always want things to get better, but you never know how good you already have it. ↗

— Scott Speer

#maddy #funny

And you'd think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't. It just- it just makes them dead. ↗

— Joe Walker (as Voldemort in AVPM)

#joe-walker #supermegafoxyawesomehot #totally-awesome #voldemort #wise-words

I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed . . . Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. ↗

— Tara Gilesbie

#funny #my-immortal #funny

My only allegiance is to my country.  The success of our country is built on hard work, sacrifice, innovation, integrity, and confidence.  How can you be confident if you can’t get a job?  How can you be confident if the mortgage on your home is higher than your home’s value?  How can you be confident when our elected officials haven’t given us one single idea how to fix this situation? – Jeremy Lyons ↗

— Marvin H. McIntyre

#financial #fiscal-cliff #inside-out #mortgage #thriller