#midget

I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buckled myself in on his back, and had him give me a ride home. Ah, but that’s life, no?
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— Jarod Kintz

#bar #drink #ex-wife #flamingoes #frigid

What can I do, I asked myself, that is so spectacular that no one will be able to say he had seen it before? The answer was perfectly obvious. I would send a midget up to bat. ↗

— Bill Veeck

#answer #asked #bat #before #had

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#backpack #being #bring #day #down

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#gold #head #hit #into #midget

If you want a midget to look like a baby, don't put a cigar in his mouth. ↗

— Chuck Jones

#cigar #his #like #look #midget

I long for your love like the length of a midget. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #midget #age

A brick could be used as crib K, if you simply rearrange the letters. And what’s in cribs A-J? Well, with the exception of one sleeping midget, the cribs contain babies, of course. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#babies #baby #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #crib

Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #midget #age