#lush

Ooh, big day in town for our park warden,” I said. “They’re even making you wear the uniform. Hayley’s mom will be happy. She thinks you look hot in it.” Dad turned as red as his hair. Mom’s laugh floated out from her studio. “Maya Delaney. Leave your father alone. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#embarrassing #funny-humor #funny

My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up. ↗

— Jessica Hahn

#down #flush #head #i #mother

We were right about the slush fund. But Sloan did not testify about it to the Grand Jury. ↗

— Ben Bradlee

#did #fund #grand #grand jury #jury

I didn't go to high school. I think that after you learn to read and write and do your numbers and flush the toilet behind yourself, you don't need no more schoolin'. You need to get out in the water and swim. ↗

— Wilford Brimley

#behind #flush #get #go #high