#lol

Kindness, motherfucker, kindness. ↗

— Don Roff

#funny #inspirational #kindness #lol #motherfucker

I took the money and passed the box across the counter and said politely, ‘Your choice of colour really lacks style.’ I smiled and Beth laughed and the guy asked to see my manager. I got Bert and he leant over the box and looked at the paint and said, ‘Ed was being polite. Your choice of colour is shit. ↗

— Cath Crowley

#great #lol #money

No, it is not my sense of the immorality of the Humbert Humbert-Lolita relationship that is strong; it is Humbert's sense. He cares, I do not. I do not give a damn for public morals, in America or elsewhere. And, anyway, cases of men in their forties marrying girls in their teens or early twenties have no bearing on Lolita whatever. Humbert was fond of "little girls"—not simply "young girls." Nymphets are girl-children, not starlets and "sex kittens." Lolita was twelve, not eighteen, when Humbert met her. You may remember that by the time she is fourteen, he refers to her as his "aging mistress. ↗

— Vladimir Nabokov

#morality #nymphets #starlets #age

You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you," Garrett joked. ↗

— T.E. Sivec

#funny #garrett #haha #lol #parker

She stopped pushing but declared; "Prentice, I know how this works. Sure, she seems fine now. But in fifteen years when she's standing on top of a clocktower with an automatic rifle mowing down innocent bystanders, dont't call ME asking what went wrong. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny

Oh, god…” I whimper. “I haven’t done anything yet, baby,” Colton growls. “I know,” I pant. “I was just saying your name. ↗

— Jasinda Wilder

#falling #falling-into-you #funny #haha #hilarious

Dan moans behind me, reminding her of the problem. She straightens in fear at the sound of his voice, peers over my shoulder at the chunk of bloody beef that is Dan Sikorsky. She looks slowly from him to me. “What did you do?” I duck my head, embarrassed. “I sort of lost my temper. ↗

— Jasinda Wilder

#falling #falling-into-you #funny #haha #jasinda-wilder

Your name. That’s all I want.” I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#funny #haha #holder #hope #hopeless

I stop stretching and face him, unwilling to back down from this visual standoff. I'm not going to let him perform his little Jedi mind tricks on me, no matter how much I wish I could perform them on him. He’s completely unreadable and even more unpredictable. It pisses me off. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#funny #haha #holder #hope #hopeless

The human placenta is filled with nutritious benefits, one of which is creating a fertile environment. At my age, I'm going to need all the help I can to have a baby, and if having a placenta smoothie or two helps - I won't count it out." "That's like some pretty satanic shit." Ethan is quick to observe. "Like voodoo or something. ↗

— Addison Moore

#lol #mom #toxic #age