#lit

Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right? ↗

— Bill Hicks

#humor #spirituality #humor

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #politics #humor

Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so forth. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#guns #humor #literature #humor

Never run after a man or a bus, there's always another one in five minutes. ↗

— Cherry Adair

#military #romantic-suspense #humor

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#politics #humor

Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." [Shrub Flubs His Dub, The Nation, June 18, 2001] ↗

— Molly Ivins

#george-w-bush #humor #politics #presidents #texas

Icy glares from vampires are far icier than icy glares from people and when the vampire giving you an icy glare is originally from Iceland, you're confronted with the archetypal origin of the term, and you shouldn't be surprised if your core body temperature drops a few degrees. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#humor #humor

I saved a man's life once," said Granny. "Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I'd bought it from the dwarves. That's the biggest part of doct'rin, really. Most people'll get over most things if they put their minds to it, you just have to give them an interest. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#healthy #humor #medicine #equality

I do not know if all cops are poets, but I know that all cops carry guns with triggers. ↗

— Ralph Ellison

#fiction #humor #rsas #humor

You know what love means? It means loving the person you are now and not the person you want someone to be or the person they will be. ↗

— Samantha Stroh Bailey

#humor #romance-funny #romantic-comedy #funny