#king

If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing about walking, and I freaking hate walking. Somebody might ask me, “Hey, do you want to go for a walk?” and I’ll reply, “Nope. But I do want to have a seat on a chair with wheels and roll along with you.” So maybe flight isn’t so cool after all. Possibly birds get pissed off they have to fly everywhere. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#birds #flight #flying #walking #life

What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#attack #bear #camp #camping #funny

Most neuroses and some psychoses can be traced to the unnecessary and unhealthy habit of daily wallowing in the troubles and sins of five billion strangers. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#friendship #internet #news #social-networking #friendship

Cooking without wine is like sex alone. You may get the job done, but you don't really care once it's over. ↗

— Andrew Grey

#funny #sex #funny

We’re wasting time here. I’ve got a sweet ass to paddle. Some legs to spread… ↗

— Starla Kaye

#domestic-discipline #erotic-romance #funny #romance #spanking

JESSICA: My preparation for motherhood began with hiking. LUKE: And where did your preparation for hiking begin? JESSICA: In the same place as my preparation for motherhood: with the birds and the bees. And you are not mature enough to have that conversation without asking about pollination strategies or ornithological classification. ↗

— Bauvard

#hiking #humor #motherhood #funny

You can have it all, just not all at the same time. ↗

— Betty Friedan

#feminism #life #making-it #opportunity #success

After a month or so in St. Louis, we were looking around desperately for a way to draw a few people into the ball park, it being perfectly clear by that time that the ball club wasn't going to do it unaided. ↗

— Bill Veeck

#around #ball #ball club #being #clear

No brain at all, some of them [people], only grey fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake, and they don't Think. ↗

— A.A. Milne

#eeyore #humor #thinking #thoughts #winnie-the-pooh

Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#obama #parking #humor