#jokes

I only need to write about 3,000 one-liners a day to produce a million jokes a year. Simple. I’ll just get started after I take a nap. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#jokes #nap #one-liner #work-ethic #change

Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them. ↗

— John Lasseter

#deliver #funnier #how #i #jokes

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places. ↗

— Seth MacFarlane

#going #hours #job #jokes #mind

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh. ↗

— Malcolm Muggeridge

#english #haunted #holds #i #jokes

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes. ↗

— Paul Rudd

#comedian #concern #consider #i #jokes

teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say "I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now," that means they have arranged for a nuclear arsenal to be emptied onto the school and should be immediately suspended and ridiculed. if they say they were merely coming up with a joking excuse to postpone a bio test, reply that all jokes are funny, and that since dropping a bomb on a school is not funny, it is therefore not a joke. ↗

— David Levithan

#irony #jokes #sarcasm #teenagers #teens

Oberon "one day Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love you. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#princess-bride-jokes #love

Breyona didn’t have to force a laugh. “Fellowship? Who do you think you are? Freedo the hobbit?” “It’s Frodo,” he said over his shoulder. “And if I was a character from L.O.T.R., I’d obviously by Strider.” Shaking his head, he continued down the trail, mumbling obscenities. “What is L.O.T.R.?” Shiv asked. “Who is this Freedo?” Both questions brought exasperated sighs from Bronson. “It stands for Lord of the Rings. Don’t you ever see any movies?” “Weren’t they books before they were movies?” Em asked. “They wrote them after,” Bronson said. Breyona winked at Danny. “That Freedo was hot,” she said loud enough for Bronson to hear. “Even with those dumb-ass furry feet, he’s my kind of cute.” Bronson threw his hands up. “Frodo. It’s Frodo. And he’s not hot! ↗

— Eric Edstrom

#lotr #teens #movies

I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes.aI'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me. ↗

— Jensen Ackles

#around #boy #debonair #hot #i

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere. ↗

— Mose Allison

#humorous #joke #jokes #mine #most