#jokes

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #jokes #funny

Your mom is so old, she might die soon ↗

— A really great comedian

#i-think-i-died-when-i-read-that #jokes #funny

I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are an evil man. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#jokes #kel #raoul #humor

Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think he is making a joke, yes. ↗

— John Flanagan

#jokes #ranger-s-apprentice #humor

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. ↗

— Noel Fielding

#jokes #humor

I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience. ↗

— Jane Austen

#inside-jokes #humor

John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”..... ..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination. ↗

— David Wong

#hilarity #humour #penises #stupid-boys #imagination

Jokes are hilarious only when you take them unreal and dreamlike, otherwise it becomes painful. So I always live otherworldly... ↗

— Saket Assertive

#reality #truth-inspirational #inspirational

Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of any real knowledge as to the relation of their own social and religious life to the history of the people they think themselves witty in insulting? [...] The best thing that can be said of it is, that it is a sign of the intellectual narrowness—in plain English, the stupidity which is still the average mark of our culture. ↗

— George Eliot

#bigotry #harriet-beecher-stowe #jokes #stupidity #education

Nothing is a joke with me. It just all comes out like one. ↗

— Lorrie Moore

#jokes #life #life