#jokes

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes. ↗

— Paul Rudd

#comedian #concern #consider #i #jokes

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes. ↗

— Martin Short

#get #jokes #obscure #passionate #people

I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families. ↗

— Maria Shriver

#beyond #consider #control #families #funny

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way. ↗

— Allan Sloan

#grew #i #i write #jokes #puns

Our country is the best country in the world. We are swimming in prosperity and our President is the best president in the world. We have larger apples and better cotton and faster and more beautiful machines. This makes us the greatest country in the world. Unemployment is a myth. Dissatisfaction is a fable. In preparatory school America is beautiful. It is the gem of the ocean and it is too bad. It is bad because people believe it all. Because they become indifferent. Because they marry and reproduce and vote and they know nothing. ↗

— John Cheever

#delusions #dissatisfaction #fables #indifference #jokes

teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say "I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now," that means they have arranged for a nuclear arsenal to be emptied onto the school and should be immediately suspended and ridiculed. if they say they were merely coming up with a joking excuse to postpone a bio test, reply that all jokes are funny, and that since dropping a bomb on a school is not funny, it is therefore not a joke. ↗

— David Levithan

#irony #jokes #sarcasm #teenagers #teens

If they were the jokes, I was the punch line. ↗

— Kimberly Novosel

#punchline #love

I was so happy to be out of there. “Barabas, if you weren’t batting for the other team, I’d marry you.” He grinned. “If I weren’t batting for the other team, I would accept your proposal. You had me at ‘No comment.’ If all my clients were this smart, my life would be much easier. Much, much easier. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#gratitude #lawyer-jokes #humor

Oberon "one day Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love you. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#princess-bride-jokes #love

Breyona didn’t have to force a laugh. “Fellowship? Who do you think you are? Freedo the hobbit?” “It’s Frodo,” he said over his shoulder. “And if I was a character from L.O.T.R., I’d obviously by Strider.” Shaking his head, he continued down the trail, mumbling obscenities. “What is L.O.T.R.?” Shiv asked. “Who is this Freedo?” Both questions brought exasperated sighs from Bronson. “It stands for Lord of the Rings. Don’t you ever see any movies?” “Weren’t they books before they were movies?” Em asked. “They wrote them after,” Bronson said. Breyona winked at Danny. “That Freedo was hot,” she said loud enough for Bronson to hear. “Even with those dumb-ass furry feet, he’s my kind of cute.” Bronson threw his hands up. “Frodo. It’s Frodo. And he’s not hot! ↗

— Eric Edstrom

#lotr #teens #movies