#jokes

I have been so very, very fortunate in my life. I've met or been in contact with several of my childhood heroes. I've interacted with people all over this planet, and even though I couldn't possibly hope to remember all their names, I remember a photograph, a poem, a sound, a joke, kind words of encouragement. All is not lost. ↗

— Wayne Gerard Trotman

#encouragement #friendship #good-fortune #heroes #interaction

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humour #jokes #funny

He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood that was reflective, like mercury. John bellowed, "Anyone else want to donate blood to chair-ity?" He ducked into the the door and bashed one monster right in the wig, screaming, "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top! ↗

— David Wong

#funny #john #funny

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #jokes #funny

Your mom is so old, she might die soon ↗

— A really great comedian

#i-think-i-died-when-i-read-that #jokes #funny

I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are an evil man. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#jokes #kel #raoul #humor

Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think he is making a joke, yes. ↗

— John Flanagan

#jokes #ranger-s-apprentice #humor

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. ↗

— Noel Fielding

#jokes #humor

I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience. ↗

— Jane Austen

#inside-jokes #humor

John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”..... ..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination. ↗

— David Wong

#hilarity #humour #penises #stupid-boys #imagination