#joke

Your mom is so old, she might die soon ↗

— A really great comedian

#i-think-i-died-when-i-read-that #jokes #funny

What do you call a rifle with three barrels? A trifle. ↗

— Joseph Rosenbloom

#biggest-riddle-book-in-the-world #funniest #funny #humor #humorous

I've said it before and I'll say it again, my lord. You are an evil man. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#jokes #kel #raoul #humor

Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think he is making a joke, yes. ↗

— John Flanagan

#jokes #ranger-s-apprentice #humor

Oh, no-" They weren't even on the runway, and Jonah's father was already immersed in his BlackBerry. "Remember those 'Live Large with the Wiz Generation' posters? Well, guess how that translates into Chinese- 'Jonah Wizard Makes Your Ancestors Fat'. ↗

— Gordon Korman

#joke #jonah-wizard #mistake #translation #humor

Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#humor #joke #humor

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. ↗

— Noel Fielding

#jokes #humor

I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience. ↗

— Jane Austen

#inside-jokes #humor

John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”..... ..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination. ↗

— David Wong

#hilarity #humour #penises #stupid-boys #imagination

I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#inspirational #joke #love #romance #smile