#joke

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? ↗

— Dick Clark

#about #always #based #ever #father-in-law

I do a lot of public speaking and presentations and I'll always start with a self-deprecating joke to make everybody feel comfortable with my size because there can be hang-ups and anxieties. ↗

— Warwick Davis

#anxieties #because #comfortable #everybody #feel

Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was telling jokes for a living. ↗

— Jamie Foxx

#day #grandma #hard #hard day #her

I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean? ↗

— Tone Loc

#i #joke #know #life #like

I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly. ↗

— Mike Myers

#dumb #i #jokes #like #smart

It was a family joke that Lydia's domestic tendencies were somehow misplaced when she was created. ↗

— Lawana Blackwell

#family #home #humor #jokes #family

Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #jesus #joke #necromancer #religion

Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.' I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#dirty #funny #hathaway #humor #ivashkov

Joke exchanges are carried on in deadly earnest, like a verbal duel-mouth-to-mouth combat. Bang, bang: you’re (linguistically) dead. ↗

— David Crystal

#jokes #language-play #humor

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live... ↗

— David Sedaris

#funny #humor #joke #funny