#is

Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country. ↗

— George W. Bush

#humor #lesbian-doctor #love #obgyn #humor

Of course, if 40% of women need oxytocin to progress normally, then something is wrong with the definition of normal. ↗

— Henci Goer

#doctor #humor #statistics #humor

The only way to cry your eyes out and laugh your ass off at the same time is to have your mom or girlfriends present. Without them, the laughing part wouldn't be nearly as fun. ↗

— Shannon L. Alder

#despair #girlfriends #humor #laughing #moms

They'll torture you for months before killing you if you run" Otis shrugged, as if this was an everyday occurrence. ↗

— Heather Brewer

#morbid #otis #run #running #vampire

Stacey: "I'm surprised you haven't thrown me out." Comfort: "At your current weight, I'd need some sort of catapult. ↗

— Kristin Hannah

#humor #insult #pregnancy #sisters #humor

Overheard at O'Banion's Beer Emporium: "Pardon me, darlin', but I'm writin' a telephone book. C'n I have yer number? ↗

— Henry D. Spalding

#irish #phone-number #pick-up-line #humor

She sipped the tonic. Her face puckered again. She gagged, covered her mouth and mumbled in disgust, "Oh my God!" "I said it tasted better, not great." Abby continued to force the sour tonic down in sips. She could taste a hint of vanilla but the potion left a bitter aftertaste that was similar to vinegar. Her stomach gurgled and burned. "Water," she coughed after her last sip of tonic. "No. You'll dilute it," Noel said firmly, relieving her of the glass. Smartly, she rebutted, "Isn't that what you're supposed to do after drinking poison? Or is it throw up? ↗

— Devon Ashley

#humor #ordained #poison #tonic #humor

I know a flute player is technically called a "flautist," but something about it sounds a little sketchy, as does "pianist," so I will refrain. ↗

— Julie Halpern

#flautist #flute #geek #humor #music

There is, I have heard, a little thing called sunrise, in which the sun reverses the process we all viewed the night before. You might assume such a thing as mythical as those beasts that guard the corners of the earth, but I have it on the finest authority, and have, indeed, from time to time, regarded it with my own eyes. ↗

— Lauren Willig

#mornings #sunrise #humor

Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' "I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken. ↗

— Dick Gregory

#comedy #humor #racism #humor