#ip

Men are men, mortal or not. ↗

— K.C. Randall

#humor-relationships #humor

It's all right, darling. I'll finish the financial report on my own. I can think clearly before sex and stay awake afterwards. That's one of the nice things about being a woman. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#may-december-relationships #humor

I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cats #drive #drunk #humor #road-trip

It's no good choosing your first husband from a school for evil geniuses. Much too difficult to kill. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor #marriage #humor

One minute she acts like she wants to be with me and I'm the one rejecting her. The next, she's got this barbed wire fence and barking dogs around her, like I can't even ask her the simplest questions." "And here I was assuming you didn't care about her." Stabbing his fingers through his hair, he groaned, "I don't!" "And you make it perfectly clear." Men. Idiots. ↗

— Jennifer Armintrout

#love #men-and-women #relationships #humor

Elizabeth Bennet, will you do me the great honor of not going to prom with me? ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#humor #prom #relationships #humor

You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face ↗

— Sherry Argov

#love #relationships #humor

Be careful whom you choose to love. This decision will impact your future life and happiness in ways you cannot yet imagine. ↗

— Toni Coleman

#marriage #relationships #imagination

In WASP families, if you don't get along with someone, you have as little to do with them as possible. In Jewish families, you move next door, to make them as miserable as possible. ↗

— Doreen Orion

#culture #culture-critique #family #family-drama #family-relationships

Stay fit and live long and prosper, but write your own obituary now, while you can, just in case. ↗

— Jill Conner Browne

#mississippi #humor