#introversion

In the day school she went to in New York she had long intimate conversations with them all in her imagination, but never in reality. ↗

— Madeleine L'Engle

#imagination

Introvert conversations are like jazz, where each player gets to solo for a nice stretch before the other player comes in and does his solo. And like jazz, once we get going, we can play all night. Extrovert conversations are more like tennis matches, where thoughts are batted back and forth, and players need to be ready to respond. Introverts get winded pretty quickly. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life

This is why it is sometimes hard for introverts to find words: we really hate to compromise, and words are always a compromise. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life

A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life

Regardless of how dead we feel in a crowd, we cling to the uniquely American assumption that associating is good and necessary and solitude is suspect. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life

If you retreat in response to desire rather than deprivation, the deprivation may never come. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life

Recognition is what you feel when a friend sums up exactly what you’re feeling, when an author gives you the right words, when someone “gets” you. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life

I heard, for the first time— nothing. I danced and did somersaults, lay down in a bed of grass, felt the breeze. And for the first time, I heard my heart, and I knew who I was. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life

If a child stays quiet in the context of extroverted friends, or even prefers time alone, a parent may worry and even send her to therapy. She might be thrilled— she’ll finally get to talk about the stuff she cares about, and without interruption! But if the therapist concludes that the child has a social phobia, the treatment of choice is to increasingly expose her to the situations she fears. This behavioral treatment is effective for treating phobias — if that is truly the problem. If it’s not the problem, and the child just likes hanging out inside better than chatting, she’ll have a problem soon. Her “illness” now will be an internalized self-reproach: “Why don’t I enjoy this like everyone else?” The otherwise carefree child learns that something is wrong with her. She not only is pulled away from her home, she is supposed to like it. Now she is anxious and unhappy, confirming the suspicion that she has a problem. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life

Think of a group of Extrovert Moms gathered together at a Little League game, excitedly chatting and enjoying the action. In comes Introvert Mom who, after a full day of work, wants nothing more than to savor the game—all by herself. She sits off a bit from everyone else, stretching her feet onto the bleacher bench, and may even have a book to indulge in as the team warms up. She might enjoy watching the people around her, but she has no energy to interact. What are the Extrovert Moms thinking? Because they are oriented to people, they will likely assume that Introvert Mom is, too—which means they see Introvert Mom as not liking people (what we know now as asocial) or being a “snob,” thinking she’s too good for the Extrovert Moms. More likely, Introvert Mom is not thinking about them at all! She is just doing something she likes to do. ↗

— Laurie Helgoe

#life