#if

Why would Dad call you? I mean, you have to admit that he would have been better off calling the local prison and asking them to send out one of the convicted killers to come find me. - Shella ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows

I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time. ↗

— Sandra Chami Kassis

#life #philosophy #quotes #truth #wisdom-inspirational

You mustn't let men drive you to mangling the English language, no matter how sweet they are. ↗

— Marisa de los Santos

#real-life #funny

I pretend he doesn’t exist, and he does the same with me. ↗

— Ida Løkås

#funny #life #pretend #relationship #funny

I ought to write funny books. Life is really too horribly funny, but unless one`s an outsider looking on, it`s all such a bore. ↗

— Graham Greene

#funny

To be, or not to be: what a question! ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#faust #funny #humor #marlowe #philosophical-humor

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#dark-humor #ego #egotism #egotist #funny

We didn’t-?” I whisper, my mouth drying in mortified horror as I can’t complete the question. I stare at my hands. “Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive,” he says dryly. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-steele #christian #christian-grey #e-l-james

It's because I'm pregnant, Christian." He snorts, and his mouth twists into an ironic smile. "If I knew getting you knocked up was going to make you eat, I might have done it earlier. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia-grey #anastasia-steele #christian #christian-grey #e-l-james

LUBOV. I'm quite sure there wasn't anything at all funny. You oughtn't to go and see plays, you ought to go and look at yourself. What a grey life you lead, what a lot you talk unnecessarily. ↗

— Anton Chekhov

#russian #true #funny