#ids

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#atheism #childhood #humor #kids #parenting

My new apartment might be a place where there are lots of children. They might gather on my porch to play, and when I step out for groceries, they will ask me, "Hi, do you have any kids?" and then, "Why not, don't you like kids?" "I like kids," I will explain. "I like kids very much." And when I almost run over them with my car, in my driveway, I will feel many different things. ↗

— Lorrie Moore

#kids #humor

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#factory #funny #humor #kids #labor

I've got nine kids, nine dogs, three grandkids - and one in the oven. And three parrots! ↗

— Michael Landon

#got #grandkids #i #kids #nine

If kids six and under eat free, then I’m an infant. Or at least infantile. Bring on the steaks.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cheap #cheater #children #dinner #discount

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands... that can do your brain. ↗

— Ivan Stoikov

#books #fantasy #fiction #humour #kids-funny-business

I was inspired to write Countdown 'til Daddy Comes Home when I searched for books to help my 4 year daughter cope with her father deploying to Afghanistan and found nothing that quite fit our situation. My book is not only a great story for kids it has real suggestions for parents on how to keep you family connected during deployments or frequent business travel. ↗

— Kristin Ayyar

#deployment #military-family #military-kids #miss-daddy #traveling-parent

I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway...let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves. ↗

— C. JoyBell C.

#children #fatherhood #growing-up #inspirational #inspirational-life

Are you afraid of dying?" "I was at first, maybe I still am a little bit. But it's not death that scares me so much as not being alive anymore. It's missing all the things that I would have seen if I hadn't gotten AIDS. Things like my daughter's graduation, her wedding, my grandchildren. I'll never see those things, and that makes me sad. ↗

— Deanna Lynn Sletten

#death #dying #fear #death

That’s the point. This healthy-feeling time now just feels like a tease. Like I’m in this holding pattern, flying in smooth circles within sight of the airport, in super-comfortable first class. But I can’t enjoy the in-flight movie or free chocolate chip cookies because I know that before the airport is able to make room for us, the plane is going to run out of fuel, and we’re going to crash-land into a fiery, agonizing death. ↗

— Jessica Verdi

#chronic-illness #health #hiv #death