#humour

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#funny #humour #neighborhoods #funny

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #humour #work #writing #humor

When you're drowning you don't think, I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me. You just scream. ↗

— John Lennon

#power-of-words #words

So you're a Shadowhunter,' Nate said. 'De Quincey told me that you lot were monsters.' 'Was that before or after he tried to eat you?' Will inquired. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humour #nathaniel-gray #will-herondale #wit #eating

God does not play dice, bankers do. ↗

— Greg Curtis

#humour #money #money

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour

Hundreds of hysterical persons must confuse these phenomena with messages from the beyond and take their glory to the bishop rather than the eye doctor. ↗

— James Thurber

#humour #james-thurber #religion #religion

That which has not a real excellency and value in it self, entertains no longer than the giddy Humour which recommended it to us holds. ↗

— Mary Astell

#giddy #holds #humour #longer #real

Her lips full and inviting, she has an infectious laugh and glassy cackle in her eyes, and a 2000 volt sexual charisma that beckons me like a fluff girl on scuffed knees. ↗

— Brett Tate

#funny #humor #humour #memoir #sex

I was a modest, good-humoured boy. It is Oxford that has made me insufferable. ↗

— Max Beerbohm

#good-humoured #i #insufferable #made #me