#humour

Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#humour

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water! ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour #jokes #humour

I said breathe. Not do a fish-out of-water imitation. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humour

Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#hot-baths #humour #problem #reconnaissance #tea

Are you conceding?' he says, his mouth falling open with mock surprise. 'Seems like that serum did you some good after all...' I shove him as hard as I can. 'Take that back. Take it back now.' 'Okay, okay!' He puts up his hands. 'It's just... I'm not very nice either, you know. That's why I like you so - ' 'Out!' I shout, pointing at the door. Laughing to himself, Tobias kisses my cheek and leaves the room. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#humour #romance #tobias-eaton #humour

Where is he? Bridgerton!" he bellowed. Three chestnut heads swiveled in his direction. Simon stomped across the grass, murder in his eyes. "I meant the idiot Bridgerton." "That, I believe," Anthony said mildly, tilting his chin toward Colin, "would refer to you. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humour

Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus. Cordelia: I stand corrected. Oz: Just keeping things in perspective. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#perspective #plans #humour

Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense. Giles: Well, actually, that would be one of the five. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#senses #humour

While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humour #sarcasm #will-herondale #humour

Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humour #humour