#humour

He punched me in the face," Ash said, who understandably did not seem to find the situation humorous at all. "And then he yelled at me for sleeping with our personal trainer!" "I was told breakup scenes were a good way to distract people," Jared said with beautiful simplicity. "Ash looked so surprised," Holly said. "He had no idea what was going on. He said, 'I didn't sleep with our personal trainer! We don't even have a personal trainer!'" Angela and Holly giggled. Ash held the back of his hand to his bleeding mouth and glared. Jared was still grinning like a maniac. "In that case," he told Ash solemnly, "I will consider taking you back. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#ash #break-ups #cousins #distractions #holly

Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes. ↗

— Amy Neftzger

#humourous #pizza #humor

Did you just seriously quote Grease? I think I'm gonna have to revoke your man card. ↗

— Elizabeth Sharp

#humour #humor

[Kirk] paced back toward his command chair, all eyes on him. "He must have a weakness." "Certainly," Chekov said. "Is he not basically humanoid? He could be poisoned, phasered, stabbed-" Kirk sneered. "Without killing him, Ensign." With a shrug, Chekov turned quietly back to his console, pulling his hands from his lap and placing them on the controls. ↗

— Dave Galanter

#humor #humour #kirk #star-trek #humor

How did you . . . pass the time?’ Sunday asked. ‘You couldn’t just ching out of it, could you?’ ‘We had a different form of chinging,’ Eunice said. ‘An earlier type of virtual-reality technology, much more robust and completely unaffected by time lag. You may have heard of it. We called it “reading”. ↗

— Alastair Reynolds

#humour #reading #humor

This is not the way things are done in Boy’s Own Adventure books. I recall no mentions of homosexual gang-rape and cannibalism ↗

— Robert Rankin

#humour #humor

It was almost noon when the plane touched down at the Triad airport on the outskirts of Greensboro. There was a hire car waiting for me; I waved my notepad at the dashboard to transmit my profile, then waited as the seating and controls rearranged themselves slightly, piezoelectric actuators humming. As I started to reverse out of the parking bay, the stereo began a soothing improvisation, flashing up a deadpan title: Music for Leaving Airports 11 June 2008. ↗

— Greg Egan

#humour #science-fiction #humor

I was tempted to tell her it was because we were British and actually had a sense of humour, but I try not to be cruel to foreigners, especially when they're that strung out. ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#humour #sense-of-humor #humor

When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the ploughboy find treasure we must be told. But when the ploughboy farts... er... keep it to yourself. ↗

— Kingsley Amis

#humour #humor

America is a land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy - and wont cross the street to vote in a national election. ↗

— Bill Vaughn

#elections