#humour

Kevyn, I'm promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons. Munitions Commander? Why me? I don't know. Call it "suspicion of extreme competence" on my part. -Captain Tagon & Commander Kevyn Andreyasn ↗

— Howard Tayler

#humour #military #promotion #sci-fi #weapons

If natural selection can create creationists it can manage a caterpillar with a face on its arse. ↗

— Zane Stumpo

#douglas-adams #humour #multiverse #parallel-universe #quantum

Finally, the intercom crackles and Hatmitch's acerbic laugh fills the studio. He contains himself just long enough to say, 'And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humour #revolution

I don't want to be a genius-I have enough problems just trying to be a man. ↗

— Albert Camus

#humanity #humour #man #problems #genius

At least Kyle wasn't home. That would be a hard one to explain to his new roomate. Nobody liked a guy who kept blood in the fridge. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-fallen-angels #humour #jace-wayland #simon-lewis #jace-wayland

I had always been warned that American didn't always get sarcasm ↗

— Lindsey Kelk

#humour #new-york-city #new-york-city

You’re so damn big,” she whispered. “Why, thank you cariño,” he said. ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#humour #erotic-romance

What kind of slut do you think I am?” Theo bumped his hips against hers. “This might not be the best moment to ask me that. ↗

— Annabel Joseph

#erotic-romance #humour #erotic-romance

There's one thing you don't put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your continued existance, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never ever put in a trap. And what would that be sir? Me ↗

— Russell T. Davies

#humour #doctor-who

Sometimes this just happens,” Kylie said, much calmer now that she had a sneak preview of his comeuppance. “Just happens?” Burnett bellowed out. “Are you freaking kidding me! If you have sex, you use protection. It’s that simple. This shit doesn’t have to happen! This is nothing but carelessness. It’s irresponsible. It’s unforgivable.” “Burnett!” Holiday rolled her eyes at Kylie and frowned. The fae knew exactly what Kylie was up to now. But Kylie wasn’t finished yet. “Maybe we should put a rule in place. Any male who impregnates a girl should be neutered.” “Enough,” Holiday snapped. “Actually, that’s not a bad plan!” he growled. “Burnett!” Holiday said in a stern voice. “Shut up before you embarrass yourself more than you already have.” When the vampire looked at Holiday, she continued, “Kylie didn’t buy the pregnancy tests for Miranda. She bought them for me.” Kylie flopped back against the seat again, enjoying the look of disbelief on the vampire’s face a little too much. “Would you like a name of a good doctor who will schedule your little snip-snip operation?” she bit out. ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#humour #kylie #pregnancy-test #sex-precaution #doctor-who