#humour

I have always been homosexual and it surprises me that more people are not; women's pink bits are moist and forbidding and I enjoy those qualities much more in a Victoria sponge. ↗

— Robert Clark

#humour #women #homosexuality

I'm too old to know everything ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humour #youthful-arrogance #arrogance

Are you kidding? He's arrogant, sarcastic, likes to intimidate people, and—oh." Okay. Maybe she had a point. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#arrogance

I didn't set fire to the building." "No, but you did pull it into the river." "That put the fire out! ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#alex

The platform underneath the balloon fell on her as she was trying to escape," she explained. "She was crushed." "I'd have been disappointed too. ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#sarcasm #alex

I thought you were a drunk." "A drunk?" "Bloodshot eyes, dirty clothes, getting home in the wee hours of the morning, making a lot of noise, grouchy all the time as if you had a hangover… what else was I to think?" He rubbed his face. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have showered, shaved, and dressed in a suit before I came out to tell you that you were making enough noise to raise the dead. ↗

— Linda Howard

#sarcasm #sarcasm

If the apocalypse comes...beep me! ↗

— Joss Whedon

#buffy-the-vampire-slayer #humour #snark #apocalypse

I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.” “I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet your stepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul? ↗

— Darynda Jones

#human-rights

I asked my publisher what would happen if he sold all the copies of my book he'd printed. He said "I'll just print another ten. ↗

— Eric Sykes

#literature #literature-quotes

Are you scared? I understand. The first time I saw my reflection in the mirror, even I was frightened by how BIG my reflection was. ↗

— Atsushi Ohkubo

#humour #manga #manga