#humour

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#humour #humor

I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully. ↗

— George W. Bush

#dumb #fish #gaffe #george-bush #human

He awoke at six, as usual. He needed no alarm clock. He was already comprehensively alarmed. ↗

— Martin Amis

#humour #humor

The waiter approached. 'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?' 'Huh?' said Ford. 'Huh?' said Arthur. 'Huh?' said Trillian. 'That’s cool,' said Zaphod. 'We'll meet the meat. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour #humor

Rose took my nose, I suppose,” he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. “And it really blows. ↗

— James Dashner

#humor #humour #rose-took-my-nose #the-scorch-trials #humor

Will I have to use a dictionary to read your book?" asked Mrs. Dodypol. "It depends," says I, "how much you used the dictionary before you read it. ↗

— Alexander Theroux

#humor #humour #literature #reading #vocabulary

You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain. ↗

— Jefferson Smith

#belief #credibility #fantasy #gullibility #humor

...There are too many idiots in this world. And having said it, I have the burden of proving it. ↗

— Frantz Fanon

#humour #idiots #humor

Would you please just talk to me? Please?" Sally's voice was beginning to take on a high-pitched whine. "Oh, good grief. For the love of healthy ears everywhere, quit your belly aching," Jen snapped, the clothes in her hands growing more wrinkled by the second. "Sally, there is nothing to talk about, okay? It is what it is." Sally threw her hands up in the air as she exhaled loudly. "No, it is not what it is, whatever the hell that means. It's a whole freaking lot more complicated than 'it is what it is'. ↗

— Quinn Loftis

#just-one-drop #love

Padre Blazon was almost shouting by this time, and I had to hush him. People in the restaurant were staring, and one or two of the ladies of devout appearance were heaving their bosoms indignantly. He swept the room with the wild eyes of a conspirator in a melodrama and dropped his voice to a hiss. Fragments of food, ejected from his mouth by this jet, flew about the table. [p.201] ↗

— Robertson Davies

#jungian-achetypes #old-man-humour #business