#humour

Edward shifted from one foot to the other, then headed to one of the younger knights from Carrick, leading his horse and their father’s white mare. ‘Sir Duncan, will you hold the horses?’ ‘That’s your task, Master Edward,’ chided the knight. John de Warenne had ascended the platform beside Bishop Bek and was addressing the assembly. There were more men than benches and those who hadn’t found a place had crowded in behind. Robert could no longer see his father and grandfather. He glanced round as Edward spoke again. ‘Please, Duncan.’ ‘Why?’ Edward paused. ‘If you do, I won’t tell my father you once tried to kiss Isabel.’ The knight laughed. ‘Your sister? I’ve never even spoken to her.’ ‘My father doesn’t know that.’ ‘You’re jesting,’ said the knight, but his smile had disappeared. Edward didn’t respond. The young knight’s face tightened, but he held out his hand to take the reins. ‘Wherever you’re going, you had better be back here before the earl. ↗

— Robyn Young

#men

At the bottom of the hill they came out of the trees to a busy street and Antwan said, "We cross here." "Ain't no lights here," Antwan said. "Just look out for the ones trying to hit you. There's a nice-looking blonde-haired female human lives around here - any time she sees me she tries to run me down. ↗

— Elmore Leonard

#business

She didn't want the medi-techs. She wanted a fucking candy bar. [...] She reached down [...] and chose a Galaxy bar [...] "I'm going home." "You didn't pay for that," Francois shouted after her. "Fuck you, Frank," she shouted back and kept going. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#humour #death

There are undoubtedly advantages to being dead, said Julius. ↗

— Jonas Jonasson

#humour #death

Contrary to popular belief, people always say "It was a pleasure doing business with you". It is the only thing that has stayed with me after an assignment. Always mix business with pleasure. That is a secret they don't want you to know. BUT never mix pleasure with business. Then you might just end up in a divorce. ↗

— Nikhil Sharda

#writing-craft #business

Eins var algengt hjá okkur ef spurt var um líðan einhvers manns: iss hann er feitur; en það þýddi að honum liði vel, eða einsog sagt mundi vera í Danmörku, að hann væri hamingjusamur. Ef einhverjum leið illa, þá var sagt sem svo: æ það hálfsér á honum; og væri sá nær dauða en lífi sem um var rætt, þá var sagt: æ það er í er í honum einhver lurða. Ef einhver var um það bil að verða ellidauður, þá var sagt: æjá hann er hættur að bleyta smjörið. Um þann sem lá banaleguna var sagt: já hann er nú að berja nestið auminginn. Um dauðvona ungling var sagt að það liti ekki út fyrir að hann ætti að kemba hærurnar. ↗

— Halldór Laxness

#death #humour #laxness #death

It made Craze smile, despite wishing most of his body parts would find new homes and leave him in peace. ↗

— M. Pax

#sci-fi #home

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#humour #neighborhoods #funny

Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty." Gideon Wyeth:"Why?" Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#funny #humour #stupid #funny

Sylvia grabs my sleeve. “He’s a looker.” “I know. The problem is, he knows it, too. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny