#humour

Do i look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice-cream? No. no, you don't. Then why are you telling me all this bullshit just so you can fuck me. ↗

— Quentin Tarantino

#beauty

Mixing humour and harsh reality is a very human behaviour, it's the way people stay sane in their daily lives. ↗

— Jorge Garcia

#daily #daily lives #harsh #harsh reality #human

You make the Titanic look like a tiny little misadventure. ↗

— Gina Ranalli

#humor #humour #misadventure #titanic #death

Oh my gods. The alpha of Clan Cat just got smacked with a rolled-up newspaper. "Mom! ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#dreams

I know. Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower, or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell musty and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is a - it, uh, it has no texture, no context. It's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible, it should be, um, smelly. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#experience #humour #knowledge #smell #experience

I need a weapon,” Valkyrie muttered. “You’re an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained in a variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world,” Skulduggery pointed out. “I’m fairly certain that makes you a weapon.” “I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword... I want a stick.” “I’ll buy you a stick for Christmas. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humour #skulduggery #stick #weapon #art

It is a curiously moving experience, to hear 350 sailors uttering the words "Oh shit!" in eleven different languages. ↗

— John Biggins

#humour #experience

Inevitably you're going to be delayed somewhere. Always have a book. Always have a movie. Always have a notebook. And then always have a sense of humour. ↗

— Phil Keoghan

#book #delayed #going #humour #inevitably

The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination. ↗

— Andrew McEwan

#fast-food #humour #irony #laziness #misapprehension

Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#blood #book #fantasy #food #funny