#humorous

Moreover, if great men are the only hope of the Evolutionary Process, they are morally bound to rule over the masses for their own good -- we are all here on earth to help others: what on earth the others are here for, I don't know -- and the masses have no right whatsoever to resist them. ↗

— W.H. Auden

#humorous #service #humor

So I'm all, "Owned! Bee-yatch! Dog fucking owned you!" Doing a minor booty dance of ownage, perhaps, in retrospect, a bit prematurely. (I believe hip-hop to be the apprpriate language for taunting, at least until I learn French.) ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

He done his level best. Was he a mining on the flat.. He done it with a zest.. Was he a leading of the choir.. He done his level best. If he'd a reg'lar task to do, He never took no rest.. Or if 'twas off and on the same.. He done his level best. If he was preachin' on his beat, He'd tramp from east to west, And north to south ..in cold and heat.. He done his level best. He'd Yank a sinner outen (Hades), And land him with the blest; Then snatch a prayer'n waltz in again, And do his level best. He'd cuss and sing and howl and pray, And dance and drink and jest, He done his level best. Whate'er this man was sot to do He done it with a zest; No matter what his contract was, He'd do his level best... ↗

— Mark Twain

#humorous #mark-twain-inspirational #inspirational

I love the protest signs protected by the First Amendment - some of them humorous, some of them passionate, some factual, some entirely incorrect - all of them free ideas. ↗

— Jennifer M. Granholm

#entirely #factual #first #first amendment #free

Tyson dropped the two warriors he was about to tie into a knot and jogged after us. He jumped on the centaur's back. 'Dude!' the centaur groaned, almost buckling under Tyson's weight. 'Do the words "low-carb diet" mean anything to you? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#diet #humorous #tyson #diet

Two kinds of people always lie about their ages: actresses and Latin American pitchers. ↗

— Jess Walter

#age

A word to the wise an't nesisary its the stupid ones who need the edvise. ↗

— Eliga H. Gould

#age

Anything else, Your Majesty?" "I didn't say my prayers." "I'll say them for you. Our father who art in et cetera, bless all the rotten cousins and kill Jenny. Amen. ↗

— Maggie Osborne

#art

Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art thou o Romeo? ↗

— William Shakespeare

#art

...I gotta burn these scales... sigh* ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#funny #humorous #scale #weight #diet