#humorous

Knock-knock, motherfucker. ↗

— Jenny Lawson

#humor

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut them off along with other body parts you might want to use one day. Got it?" Jacque told him with as much force as she could put behind her words. ↗

— Quinn Loftis

#humorous #jacque #prince-of-wolves #warewolves #humor

On being told he is "disgustingly drunk".. "My dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#humor

People ask why are you so strange and I always reply why are you so normal... ↗

— Shadowstorm Norwicca

#shadowstorm #humor

ARISE, AWAKE AND STOP NOT TILL THE GOAL IS REACHED ↗

— Swami Vivekananda

#humor

Here she was, being rescued by a socialist, feminist, lesbian, baby-killing, foreign terrorist. What would the ladies in the sewing circle say to that? ↗

— Hillary Jordan

#humor

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience - well, that comes from poor judgment. ↗

— A.A. Milne

#humorous-quotations #judgment #experience

Writing is a lonely pursuit. The only thing working is imagination and hands. The only difference between writing and masturbation is one is presumably intended for a mass audience. ↗

— Mark Bell

#imagination

I'm an American, our names don't mean shit. ↗

— Quentin Tarantino

#humorous-quotations #humor

For people who like that kind of thing, this is the kind of thing they like. ↗

— Max Beerbohm

#misattributed-abraham-lincoln #humor