#humorous

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land." (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots) ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor

I`m basically one of the best people I know. ↗

— Jeff Kinney

#humor

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#entertainment #humor #humorous #humor

I'm more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little. ↗

— Jeri Smith-Ready

#humor

I'm sorry, but you just can't fit fabulous into a backpack. ↗

— Samantha Sotto

#humor

My best days are Monday through Friday, and Saturday and Sunday." "Ian," Wesley noted, "that covers the whole week." Ian nods his head. "Pretty much. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humor

Shall I add a man to my collection? ↗

— Patricia A. McKillip

#humor

Billy squinted at me. "Why are you letting them go?" "Because they're real." "How do you know?" "The one I was holding crapped on my hand. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Thomas has the kind of whiter-than-white boyish grin that makes women's panties spontaneously evaporate. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor