#humorous

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. ↗

— Mark Twain

#dark-humor #funny #humorous #killing #funny

Knock-knock, motherfucker. ↗

— Jenny Lawson

#humor

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut them off along with other body parts you might want to use one day. Got it?" Jacque told him with as much force as she could put behind her words. ↗

— Quinn Loftis

#humorous #jacque #prince-of-wolves #warewolves #humor

On being told he is "disgustingly drunk".. "My dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#humor

People ask why are you so strange and I always reply why are you so normal... ↗

— Shadowstorm Norwicca

#shadowstorm #humor

ARISE, AWAKE AND STOP NOT TILL THE GOAL IS REACHED ↗

— Swami Vivekananda

#humor

Here she was, being rescued by a socialist, feminist, lesbian, baby-killing, foreign terrorist. What would the ladies in the sewing circle say to that? ↗

— Hillary Jordan

#humor

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience - well, that comes from poor judgment. ↗

— A.A. Milne

#humorous-quotations #judgment #experience

You are only limited by your own imagination ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humorous #inspirational #humor

Why in the name of God do you wear these ugly ass granny panties? I swear it looks like you could parachute from the Dallas Lincoln Plaza with these and have a nice soft landing! Why don’t you get on the internet and apply your online shopping skills while purchasing some panties that do not look like they came from your Grans drawer? ↗

— Kathryn Vance-Perez

#humorous #panties #friendship