#humorous

A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money. ↗

— Quentin R. Bufogle

#humorous #money #money

Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, "That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!! ↗

— Neil Leckman

#life-and-living #life

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life. ↗

— Jerome K. Jerome

#comes #enjoy #fun #humorous #i

It wasn’t until someone kicked his legs that Nik woke up. Alek, snoring beside him, his head resting on his shoulder. Ban snoring on the other couch, the noise rivaled only by the dog. He looked into the impossibly cranky face of Zach Sheridan. “Y’all get food?” “We had a full refrigerator before you three got here.” “Where I come from, we don’t let the refrigerator get empty.” “Where you come from, you marry your sister. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#food

Listen, I'd rather lie naked in a plowed field under an incontinent horse for a week than have to read that paragraph again! ↗

— Diane Ackerman

#humor #humorous #love

I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls... ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#humorous #light-ball #love #single #single-life

Worse day ever!" I whined to Ellie. "Oh, worse than the time you got pulled over and the cop said 'papers' and you said 'scissors, I win' and he didn't laugh? ↗

— Sophie Monroe

#humor

Life is a great big canvas; throw all tje paint you can at it. ↗

— Danny Kaye

#comedy #humor #humor-inspirational #humorous #humorous-quotations

I'm not helping any of you freaks!" she shouts. "I'm not the Witch of Wayland, you hear me? I'm sick of all you mutants pounding on my door for love spells and all the like! I told you, I don't do that backwoods modern-day, wannabe Wiccafuck stuff! You hear me? ↗

— J.A. Redmerski

#love

And now leave me in peace for a bit! I don't want to answer a string of questions while I am eating. I want to think!" "Good Heavens!" said Pippin. "At breakfast? ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#hobbits #humorous #humor