#humorous

We were encouraged to propose safetyprevention suggestions, and write them all down— locking doors, walking or exercising with a friend, wearing shoes that don’t hinder running. Erin’s suggestion of “Avoid assholes” was popular. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#girl-power #humorous #self-defense #humor

We're all secretly idiots inside. ↗

— -Sadiya

#humor

She spoke under her breath to Nick. "Is there a reason he's only wearing one sock?" "He puked on his foot." "Oh." She turned back to Huxley. "Can we get you another sock? Maybe a blanket or something? ↗

— Julie James

#humorous #humor

A massage is just like a movie, really relaxing and a total escape, except in a massage you're the star. And you don't miss anything by falling asleep! ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#relaxation #humor

Seedy wasn't a fair description for the place, because seeds imply eventual regrowth and renewal. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humorous #humor

It is a curious fact that small boys are more terrified of their babysitters than small girls are. In part, this is because small girls and babysitters, who are usually slightly larger girls, belong to the same species, and therefore understand each other. Small boys, on the other hand, do not understand girls, and therefore being looked after by one is a little like a hamster being looked after by a shark. If you are a small boy, it may be some consolation to you to know that even large boys do not understand girls, and girls, by and large, do not understand boys. This makes adult life very interesting. ↗

— John Connolly

#children #humorous #humor

So here's my theory, and this is such crap science, I don't have to tell you. It's science without microscopes, blood tests, or reality. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#humor

They put me in a holding cell with a black kid and a white kid and a Chinese kid. We're the United Nations of juvenile delinquents. ↗

— Sherman Alexie

#humor

Jessamine blew out her cheeks in exasperation. "I think you ought to let me take poor Tessa into town to get some new clothes. Otherwise, the first time she takes a deep breath, that dress will fall right off her." Will looked interested. "I think she should try that out right now and see what happens. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

What I know now is that gallant young men rarely get pussy. Put it on a sampler and hang it in your kitchen. ↗

— Stephen King

#humorous #sex #men