#humorous

My best days are Monday through Friday, and Saturday and Sunday." "Ian," Wesley noted, "that covers the whole week." Ian nods his head. "Pretty much. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humor

Shall I add a man to my collection? ↗

— Patricia A. McKillip

#humor

Billy squinted at me. "Why are you letting them go?" "Because they're real." "How do you know?" "The one I was holding crapped on my hand. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Thomas has the kind of whiter-than-white boyish grin that makes women's panties spontaneously evaporate. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

You can't beat me. I have the mind of a warlock with adonis DNA. Winning! ↗

— Charlie Sheen

#humor

I vill destroy de snickers bar!" Gazzy(The Gas Man) ↗

— James Patterson

#humor

Still trying to save the world?” “Always,” I said, “and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s working. The world is still here. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#save-the-world #humor

Today I feel like I did tomorrow. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#comedy-humor #humor #humorist #humorous #humorous-quotes

But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

Gideon laughed. "I like to be direct." "Okay," I said. "But I warn you, I like to be evasive, inserutable and generally send mixed messages." "I doubt it." "Human interaction is not my strong point," I told him. "Not seriously." "Seriously," I said. Thinking: There is so much about me he doesn't know. Gideon put his hand on my leg. "What's your strong point, then?" "Goats," I told him. "I am excellent with goats. ↗

— E. Lockhart

#chicklit #cute #humor #humorous #humour