#humorous

You have exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity, into one of enormous respect! ↗

— Max Bialystock

#change

I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple. ↗

— David Sedaris

#religion #dating

A weapon, I told Horus. I need a weapon. I reached into the Duat and pulled out an ostrich feather. “Really?” I yelled. Horus didn’t answer ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

What was that about?' she demanded. 'His mother is practically gushing over you. Not to mention that he's holding your hand like it's the most natural thing in the world. Forget about dating - are you having a wedding you forgot to invite me to? ↗

— Rebecca Donovan

#dating

I was stark raving mad, and my family was too polite to mention it. That's what living with the Yamanis does to people. They get so well-mannered they won't mention you're crazy. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#family

In my family nudity just doesn’t exist; I’m pretty sure my parents were both born fully clothed and still shower that way. ↗

— Huston Piner

#lgbt #romance #ya #young-adult #family

Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in the sunshine, he’ll just marry you. ↗

— Nick Shamhart

#humor #humorous #funny

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous #ironic #irony #funny

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-but-true #humor #humorous #humorous-quotes #funny

I never said nothing..." "I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous #funny