#humorous

Follow Your Dreams, Except the One Where You’re at School in Your Underwear ↗

— Annabel Monaghan

#dreams

Your ma's dating?" Tim looks shocked. "I thought she pretty much confined herself to a vibrator and the shower nozzle since your dad screwed her over. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#dating

Fear is self-awareness raised to a higher level. ↗

— Don DeLillo

#fear #humorous-truism #self-awareness #humor

You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain't long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living. ↗

— Joe Abercrombie

#satire #slippery-slope #family

This sucks the hind teat. ↗

— Patricia Grasso

#family

...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die. ↗

— Joshua Donellan

#humorous #humour #humourous #food

Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel. ↗

— Lloyd Alexander

#comebacks #funny #humor #humorous #silly

As soon as a friendship passed a certain point - some obscure and secret boundary - a woman quite automatically became overwhelmed by a raging compulsion to complicate things. ↗

— David Eddings

#women #friendship

Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-quotes #humor #humorous #tags-funny-and-random #funny

Screw you," I told him in a low voice. "Are you offering?” "From what I've heard, there isn't much to screw," I shot back. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor