#humorous

yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had to dump him because he stole my inspiration of bent clock*~* .... who cares... ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#artwork #bent-clock #funny #humorous #painting

May we do it again? She sounds remarkably bright and cheerful. 'And I didn't bleed. My mother said I would experience great agony.' 'Half an hour.' 'I beg your pardon? Your mumbling.' Eyes closed, I attempt to enunciate a little more clearly. 'In half an hour or so. Probably. And your mother was misinformed.' 'What am I suppose to do in the meantime?' 'Oh. Read a Sermon. Embroider something ↗

— Janet Mullany

#experience

You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain't long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living. ↗

— Joe Abercrombie

#satire #slippery-slope #family

This sucks the hind teat. ↗

— Patricia Grasso

#family

A Man can Live two Weeks without Food, go two days without Water, and two minutes without Air, and apparently, an entire lifetime without a BRAIN. ↗

— Walter Thomas Jr

#food

Vegtables, what food eats before it becomes food. ↗

— David Weber

#food

When the watermelons were as large as a child's head, the women boiled them, but they collapsed into a tasteless green mush that no one could eat, not the children, not the cow. ↗

— Annie Proulx

#historical #humorous #mistakes #food

Locavore?" But before he could answer, I figured it out. "Someone who eats food produced locally? As opposed to locovore, someone who eats crazy people? ↗

— Mari Donne

#food

O Lord! he concluded, forgive all these trespasses. Lead me not into Penn Station. ↗

— Saul Bellow

#forgiveness

Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts. ↗

— Will Cuppy

#apes #humor #humorous #mammals #primates