#humor

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale from one to bite me ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #humor

So, technically," Simon said, "even though Jace isn't actually related to you, you have kissed your brother. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#simon-lewis #humor

Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Yes, it's your fault I'm alive. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#life-or-death #savior #death

A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a competitive edge.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Grace gave her a gentle smile. "You know what the answer is, don't you? Chocolate. It's always the answer, no matter the question. ↗

— Suzanne Wright

#humor #humor

Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#humor

I swear, Oliver, when did you become such a stick-in-the-mud?” “I’ve always been a stick-in-the-mud.” Her brother cast her a thin smile. “I just hid it beneath all the debauchery.” She sniffed. “I wish you’d hide it again. It’s quite annoying. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#siblings #humor

In less than a year, the Bush administration will strut out of office, leaving the country in roughly the same condition a toddler leaves a diaper. ↗

— Graydon Carter

#politics #wit #humor