#humor

I hear your insults and plan to silence them with my victory. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#humor #humor

When I came out of anesthesia, I wanted two things: my husband and my dog. They wouldn't let the dog in the recovery room. ↗

— Sandy Nathan

#health #humor #inspirational #new-age #age

Who embalms the Undertaker when he dies? ↗

— Alison Bechdel

#humor #death

Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is." (Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.) ↗

— Douglas Adams

#slang #humor

Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as much as you can. If you really want me to grow as a person, you will water me with betrayal, abuse, neglect, derision, thievery, and possibly even torture. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #pain #torture #age

If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked. ↗

— Gilles Deleuze

#fucked-up #funny #humor #other #philosophy

It is remarkably precocious when a person accomplishes anything after the age of thirty. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #precocious #age

[M]an has been accustomed, ever since he was a boy, to having a dozen incompatible philosophies dancing about together inside his head. He doesn't think of doctrines as primarily "true" or "false," but as "academic" or "practical," "outworn" or "contemporary," "conventional" or "ruthless." Jargon, not argument, is your best ally in keeping him from the Church. Don't waste time trying to make him think that materialism is true! Make him think it is strong or stark or courageous—that it is the philosophy of the future. That's the sort of thing he cares about. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#humor #reason #religion #courage

I used my history degree about twice a year whether I needed to or not. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #education

Well, Diotallevi and I are planning a reform in higher education. A School of Comparative Irrelevance, where useless or impossibe courses are given. The school's aim is to turn out scholars capable of endlessly increasing the number of unnecessary subjects. ↗

— Umberto Eco

#humor #nonsense #education