#humor

You see... I'm holy. Holey, Fred, geddit?" "Pathetic," he told George. "Pathetic! With the whole wide world of ear-related humor before you, you go with holey? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #puns #twins #death

I think it would be well, and proper, and obedient, and pure, to grasp your one necessity and not let it go, to dangle from it limp wherever it takes you. Then even death, where you're going no matter how you live, cannot you part. ↗

— Annie Dillard

#essays #humor #inspirational #nature-writing #weasels

So if there is something on the planet that is worth living for, I'd better not miss it, because once you're dead, it's too late for regrets, and if you die by mistake, that is really, really dumb. ↗

— Muriel Barbery

#humor #irony #life #muriel-barbery #the-elegance-of-the-hedgehog

Look into your heart and ask yourself, what would you die for?" "I don't know. There’s really no reason for it, with modern science as advanced as it is. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #science #death

I mean, I am totally not one of those prudes who believe having sex as a teenager is some kind of mortal sin or social death. I don't have a problem with sex. I just don't happen to be having it. And if I were having sex, I certainly wouldn't be getting it on in an airplane bathroom. Who wants to get down and dirty in a place so . . . cramped and dirty? ↗

— Lauren Morrill

#humor #sex #death

I'm Allen Walker!" My life....is over...I'm going to die.... ↗

— Katsura Hoshino

#angst #death #die #horror #humor

You deserve to die," I whisper, suddenly realizing Iv'e said the words aloud. "Excuse me?" "Nothing." "Not nothing. You just told me that I deserve to be maggot feed." "Not maggot feed, just-" "Dead!" "Forget it" "I don't know why I said that. Just daydreaming, I guess." "Daydreaming about my death?" "Forget it", I repeat. "Are you sure you aren't still mad that I wouldn't let you borrow my vintage fishnet leggings?" "More like I didn't want to borrow them, ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#humor #kimmie #death

I don't think," he said, "that a vicar is supposed to beat a bishop to death, or even back to death." Mr. Berkeley looked down upon the remains of Bishop Bernard. "If anyone asks, we'll say he fell over," he said. "Lots of times. ↗

— John Connolly

#death

To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems ↗

— Matt Groening

#drinking #homer #humor #humor

I can't even make up a rhyme about an umbrella, let alone death and life and eternal peace. ↗

— Knut Hamsun

#poetry #death