#humor

I don't think women's prisons are environments for dance routines, and I don't think mass murder is humorous. ↗

— Natalie Merchant

#environments #humorous #i #mass #murder

If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor #names #funny

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#humor #writer #funny

The stoic contemplates fallen leaves; the epicure rakes them into a loveseat. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #pain #pleasure #funny

The sense of humor has other things to do than to make itself conspicuous in the act of laughter. ↗

— Alice Meynell

#conspicuous #humor #itself #laughter #make

I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #music #funny

Barzul! ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#christopher-paolini #eldest #eragon #funny #humor

She was the most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from one story to another was a mystery beyond solution. A lady so decorous in herself, and so highly connected, was not to be suspected of dropping over the banisters or sliding down them, yet her extraordinary facility of locomotion suggested the wild idea. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor #funny

If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #identity #funny

I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long way towards relieving my wedgie. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #night-vision #wedgie #funny