#humor

The problem with quotes on the internet is you never know if they are genuine. ↗

— Joseph Stalin

#humor #lies #quotations #reliability #truth

Get out of here. Yoda so does not have an English accent!' 'Other than that you're saying I'm a dead ringer?' 'If the shoe fits.' 'Sheesh, I hate tall girls. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#sky #humor

Master Griffin, I would marry my own mother for the excuse to stab my eyes out with her brooches than to see anything under your kilt," the man's voice said with an elegant aplomb. "Where would you like your guest's things, sir? ↗

— Tiffany Reisz

#witty #humor

We laughed together. It’s so lovely laughing with a man. It feels positive. Relaxed… ↗

— James Lusarde

#erotica #humor #laughter #love #men-and-women

Make love or make war shug, but make something happen. ↗

— Jenny Han

#inspirational #humor

I tried to will them with my super mental powers so he’d put them around my waist, but apparently I had no super mental powers. ↗

— J.A. Redmerski

#teen-romance #humor

Jess:"Sasha? I need some tissue to pack my nose with." Sasha:"Is that hygienically sound?" Jess:"Sasha..." Sasha:"Fine, but if you get toxic shock up your nose, buddy, remember I warned you." Jess pulled a couple out and wedged them into his nostrils. He gave Abigail a sheepish smile. "Sexy, right?" Abby: "Oh yeah, baby. You're so hot right now, if I was a chicken I'd lay hard-boiled eggs. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside. ↗

— Dimitry Martin

#life #perspective #humor

Lepiej bez celu iść naprzód niż bez celu stać w miejscu, a z pewnością o niebo lepiej, niż bez celu się cofać. ↗

— Andrzej Sapkowski

#life #humor

If we're doing this for ten hours, I'm going to need a little incentive to stay motivated.' Patch hooked his elbow around my neck and dragged me into a kiss.'Everytime you strip my sword, I owe you a kiss. How's that sound?'I bit my lip to keep from giggling.'That sounds really dirty.' Patch waggled his brows.'Look whose mind just rolled into the gutter. Two kisses per strip. Any objections?' I pulledon an innocent face.'None whatsoever. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor