#humor

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#drink #food #funny #hospitality #humor

But then, as I rotated gloopily to check out the scene, who did I see next? Let's just say when your archenemy's trapped you in a place of certain death, and you've survived heroically against all the odds, the last thing you want to see, when you escape at last, is that same archenemy glaring down at you with an expression of annoyed distaste. (Even a different archenemy would have been marginally better.) ↗

— Bartimaeus Trilogy The Amulet of Samarkand

#humor #death

When people got old, why did they always develop a passion for scrabbling in the earth? Were they trying to get used to it? ↗

— Sergei Lukyanenko

#burial #death #elderly #humor #death

Did he die badly?" "Well..." "-Hey, so did my father! Our water was undrinkable for weeks. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #wells #death

Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #humor

You make the Titanic look like a tiny little misadventure. ↗

— Gina Ranalli

#humor #humour #misadventure #titanic #death

So thirsty," Jack groaned. "So worried,"said the frog. I hope we don't starve to death." "Yes,"said Jill, "not starving to death would be nice." "So would not thirsting to death," said Jack "Thirsting isn't even a word," said Jill "It isn't?" "No." "Then what's the word?" "I dont know. You just can't." "Oh." This is, of course, the kind of inane conversation that occurs when people are slowly losing their minds. ↗

— Adam Gidwitz

#death

It was considered at the time a striking proof of virtue in the young king that he was sorry for his father's death;but, as common subjects have that virtue too, sometimes, we will say no more about it. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor #death

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it. ↗

— Don Herold

#about #bad #feels #good #humorist

Where are you, my little object of art? I am here to collect you. ↗

— PePe Le Pew

#love #art