#hum

There's always the dinner rolls," said Will, pointing to a covered basket. "Though I warn you, they're as hard as stones. You could use them to kill black beetles, if any beetles bother you in the middle of the night. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #humor

We ain't in the game to love these hoes, you suppose to hit it and pass it to the left. I didn't love that hoe, it was just something to do. ↗

— Wahida Clark

#humor

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life; ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #humor

Everybody must be managed. Queens must be managed. Kings must be managed, for men want managing almost as much as women, and that's saying a good deal. ↗

— Thomas Hardy

#kings #men #queens #women #humor

So what if those stupid roosters don't want to crow? If we've learned to live without men, we can learn to live without cocks. ↗

— James Cañón

#humor #james-cañón #magic-realism #mariquita #tales-from-the-town-of-widows

Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn’t judge others? Master of Stupidity: Don’t! Unless you are paid for it. ↗

— Toba Beta

#judge #life #paid #truth #humor

Ysolde: “You think so? Well maybe your precious Aisling just needs to watch out, because I’m not some pushover, you know. I’m a mage, and mated to the baddest ass in the dragon world.” Brom looked speculatively at Baltic. “That’s you?” Baltic: “Yes. If you were my son, as you should have been, you, too, would have a badass. ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#humor

At New Year's he had given Anne a present of silver forks with handles of rock crystal. He hopes she will use them to eat with, not to stick in people. ↗

— Hilary Mantel

#humor

She warned me about Mr. Herondale, though, said he’d likely be rude to me, and familiar. She said I could be rude right back, that nobody would mind.” “Someone ought to be rude to him. He’s rude enough to everyone else. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#tessa-gray #will-herondale #humor

I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics. ↗

— Woody Allen

#humor #love #marriage #humor